JOHN APPLEBY was a man's name, and he lived near the sign of the Kettle,
His wife was called Joan Quiet, because she could scold but a little;
John to the alehouse would go, Joan to the tavern would run,
John would get drunk with the women, and Joan would get drunk with the men.
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
John would spend his own two-pence, and Joan would spend her groat;
Joan would pawn her best jacket, and John would pawn his best coat;
John set the porrridge-pot by, Joan sent the brass kettle to sell,
The money came readily in, and they merrily spent it in ale.
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
Thou art a base hussey, says John, for selling my pewter and brass;
And thou art a cuckold, says Joan, for thy ears are as long as an ass.
I'll bang thy back, hussey, says John, if you give me another cross word,
And for thy fury and vapours, I tell thee, I care not a ——
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
John he was no great eater, and Joan she was no glutton,
And for to tickle their maws they bought them a shoulder of mutton.
John, in an angry mood, took the mutton in his hand,
And out of the window he threw it, but Joan she was at a stand.
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
Joan she was at a stand, but of it she made no matter,
Immediately took in her hand, and after it threw the platter;
An old woman coming by, and seeing the mutton lay,
Caught up the platter and mutton, and with them she ran away.
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
The neighbours came running in, and thinking to end the quarrel,
But, before they had half done, they left ne er a drop in the barrel;
They banged the barrel about, pulled out the spiggot, too;
We'll all get drunk tonight, for what have we else to do?
Sing tol de rol lol, &c.
From The Universal Songster, I, 1825, 385.
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